Ladies, it’s time to protect your 20’s and avoid ‘Situationships’.

Let’s just be honest for a second: our 20’s are a weird, stressful time to be looking for love. We are typically caught in-between finding ourselves, exploring our passions, and finding our purpose. Along comes this other person, whom we really like to be around and enjoy spending time with. Things start to get serious and you’re at the point where you are attempting to figure out how this person can fit into your life forever.

Next thing you know, you’re 27 years-old, you’ve been “kinda” dating for 4-5 years, doing the whole off and on thing. You are starting feel the pressure from family, friends and loved ones to take that next step in life.  You don’t want to force the issue of dating and even marriage, so you patiently wait. And wait… and wait…then BOOM. Before you know it, you’re in a good-ole ‘situationship”.  We all KNOW the situationship stage, the “I don’t really want you, but I don’t want anyone else to have you, either” phase.  Guys (notice I didn’t say men) will do this for as long as they can and unfortunately ladies have NO idea that you hold all cards! Lucky for you, I’m here to give you some inside information on how to protect your 20s and avoid the dreadful situationship.

Be upfront and honest

Before you are upfront and honest with someone else, you need to be upfront and honest with yourself.  What exactly are you looking for? Has this guy showed you he has husband qualities? Often (especially us millennials) just start dating for the fuck of it.  Literally, I’ve seen so many women meet a guy, get impressed by his material things and “swag” and never see beyond that. Months, years, and hell sometimes even 1-2 children later; they realize they fell in love with someone who they barely even know.  Be honest with yourself, force yourself to dig deeper into this person. Maybe all you want is someone strictly for sex or maybe it’s an ear to listen. Whatever you’re looking for, be honest with yourself.

In addition, let this person know what your expectations are as well. There is nothing worse than you giving a guy all the time in the world, only for him to say “damn, I didn’t think we were that serious”. You didn’t know after meeting my entire family, taking these professional photos, and living together? Truth is, no, most guys don’t know. Because as I said before guys will do this for as long as they can until you are clearly honest about what you’re looking for. Now, so we are clear, I don’t mean tell him you’re looking for marriage on the first date. You’ll scare the guy to death. I’m simply saying, by letting him know what it is you want in a relationship, letting him know your end goal, you can separate the guys who play games from the men who want wives. If you have the same goal, he will continue to be consistent. If not, I’m sure that is the last time you’ll hear from him.

Lights, Camera, ACTIONS

Ladies, this is so easy, yet so many of you get this wrong. If he is serious about you and wants to take it to another level, he will show you. Point, blank, period! Hell, I’ll take it a step further.  If he is serious, you won’t have to ask him to change his actions. A woman’s intuition is nothing to play with, so 9 times out of 10, you already know if he’s bullshitting or not. You know exactly what it is when you text a guy at 7PM and he hits you will the “My bad, I fell asleep” the next day.  Pay attention to details.  Is he planning dates? Is he consistent with his communication? Words without context means nothing, so stop falling for the smooth talk and witty punchlines. Let him know that you are “about that action”. *Marshawn Lynch Voice* All I’m saying is, real men commit. Wasted time is worse than wasted money; and you have the power to protect your time and your 20’s by not allowing inconsistent guys into your life. Apply pressure, demand the power of actions over the sound of words.

It’s perfectly fine to walk away

If I can’t leave you with anything else, I will leave you with this.  It is perfectly fine to simply walk away from a situationship. Honestly, what are you truly losing anyway? The truth is, you cannot force a guy to commit to a relationship, if he isn’t ready. I know, this may be easier said than done; but trust me, the last thing you want to do is wait years for someone to commit and take the next step in your relationship, only for it to never happen. Don’t let your pride miss out on someone who will cherish and appreciate you. Know your worth and focus on what you bring to the table. Understand that there are plenty of good men out here, who are ready and willing to exclusively commit. Don’t worry about the history y’all have or the potential he could be once he’s “ready”. Commitment is an important piece to any relationship, and without it you have nothing anyway.

Fellas, it’s time to wake up and hold each other accountable. If you’re reading this and you’re upset, you are honestly a major part of the problem. If you want to do your thing and enjoy the benefits of being single, just STAY SINGLE. But one thing we cannot continue to do, is hold our women hostage in a relationship that you have no intentions of sustaining. Relationships, love, and marriage ain’t for the weak, so if that’s not what you’re looking for don’t give a woman false hope.

Ladies, you have the power and the intelligence to demand more from us. Your 20’s are possibly the most impactful time of our lives. Some may consider their 20’s to be the best years of their lives. Protect and enjoy this time as much as possible.

3 comments

  • I must say Jermell you are truly correct about how to approach a person you’re interested in. I’m a 56-year-old Mother and Grandma, twice married and divorced. Looking back on my past relationships I know I should have approached them in this manner which you are speaking about. And I surely regretted my choices BUT I thank God I have forgiven myself and if I choose to have another husband I will certainly pray to my God for a saved holy spiritual man of God. Good advice I’ve thought about this before but reading it brought back memories. Are you in a committed relationship?

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